You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
