dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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