We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
