Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
