You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
