She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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