In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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