i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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