when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
