Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
