I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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