He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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