watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
