To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
