I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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