Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
