boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
