At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
