I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
