I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
