If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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