So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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