Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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