Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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