just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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