Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
