I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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