You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize