That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
