Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
as a side note pls kill me
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