So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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