I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
