she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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