Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
