I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
