He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.