Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.