you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.