He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.