White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.