Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
