Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
