You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
