through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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