I accidentally burped into my bong.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Say something about gay babies.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
