I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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