"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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