i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
