i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
