yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
