Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
