Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
