Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
