I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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