Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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