why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
