Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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