I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
