I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
