He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
