He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wear drunk well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
