I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
