Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Please don't give away my fajitas
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
