haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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