I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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