I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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