I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
