A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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