seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
