Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
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spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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