It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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