Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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