her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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