just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
