You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
