she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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