I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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