He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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