all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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