are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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