Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
