i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
