This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
3 2 1 whiskey
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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