oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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