dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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