the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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