she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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