The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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