Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
